calvin and hobbes (II)

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
-Calvin

"I had resolved to be less offended by human nature, but I think I blew it already."
-Hobbes

"Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success... ...Flat stretches of boring routine... ...And valleys of frustration and failure."
-Calvin

"So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?"
-Calvin

"There's more to this world than just people, you know."
-Hobbes

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
-Calvin

"Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what."
-Calvin

"If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it."
-Hobbes

"Oh, great altar of passive entertainment... Bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible!"
-Calvin

"There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse!"
-Calvin

"The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!"
-Calvin

"History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices."
-Calvin

"It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden stop at the end."
-Calvin

"The best presents don't come in boxes."
-Hobbes

"As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway."
-Calvin

"It's only work if somebody makes you do it."
-Calvin

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want."
-Calvin

"You know, there are times when it's a source of personal pride to not be human."
-Hobbes

"You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse!"
-Calvin

"A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do."
-Calvin

"I'M SIGNIFICANT!...screamed the dust speck."
-Calvin

"Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time."
-Calvin's Dad

I always thought there were people who leave an indelible mark on your soul. An imprint that can never be erased.

-- Broyles, Fringe 4x02 One Night in October

Siempre he pensado que hay gente que deja una marca indeleble en el alma. Una huella que no puede borrarse.

J'ai toujours pensé que certaines personnes laissent une marque indélébile dans votre esprit. Une empreinte que vous ne pourrez jamais effacer.

Dear parentals, sibling and preggy aunt,

I know we all agreed on a kiss and a cry this morning, but I couldn't do it. I wouldn't have made it out the door and I wouldn't 've been able to say what I wanted to say, which is this, that and the other thing.

First the this. Thank you for putting up with my shameful ass this past year. I sucked and you rolled and your patience has been super appreciated.

Second, the that. I love you. I don't say that nearly as much as I want to or as much as you, you, you and you deserve to hear it. You are the best people in Kansas and I suspect the whole world. Though I'll make my final report after I've seen more of it.

Last, the other thing. A word to my soon-to-be niece. I am sorry I won't be there to see you tear open your mom's junk but I promise to be back before you can walk. In the meantime, tell Marshall to dump Lionel, your mom to say yes the next time you dad asks, and you uncle and aunt not to worry about me. I'm finally using my powers for good!

Osaka kara sukibaru shigeru yo! Roughly translated, I will e-mail you from Osaka.

Your daughter, sister, niece and favorite cousin, Kate

-- United States of Tara 3x03 The Full Fuck You Finger

Girlfriend in a coma - Douglas Coupland

"Goals -that word sounds like I'm crew chief at McDonald's or something. But you know, every second of our life we're reaching goals of some sort. Every single second of our lives we're crossing a finish line of some sort, with heaven's roaring cheers surronuding us as we win our way forward. Our smallest acts -crossing a street, peeling an apple, giving Miss January the one-hand salute- are as though we are ripping an Olympic ribbon to thunderous applause. The universe wants us to win. The universe makes sure we're winning even when we lose. I wish that I could have run naked through the streets every moment of my life."

"She sweeps around the patio, her dress twirling and her eyes flashing because she is in love with the world. "

The Romantics (2010)

LAURA: You know, on the other hand, I mean... Look, ten years of a loving friendship and sporadic, incredible sex scattered with nights so fun, they explain the evolutionary purpose of talking. You know, not to mention the time that we've clocked together. Listening to music. You know, driving with no destination. I guess this, this beautiful mess is best ended without notification. Probably better.

TOM: I'm sorry.

LAURA: Don't be. It was a gift. An act of cowardice so complete, disqualifies a person from consideration.

LAURA: D'un autre côté... Dix ans d'amitié amoureuse et de sexe incroyable, sporadique pimentés de nuits si géniales qu'elles expliquent l'intérêt du dialogue pour l'évolution. Sans parler du temps qu'on a passé ensemble. À écouter de la musique, à conduire sans destination. Je suppose que ce bazar magnifique doit être interrompu sans avertissement. C'est sans doute mieux.

TOM: Je suis désolé.

LAURA: Ne le sois pas. C'était un cadeau. Un acte de lâcheté aussi énorme disqualifie une personne de toute considération.

They make it look so easy, connecting with another human being. It's like no-one told them it's the hardest thing in the world.

-- Dexter 4x12 Through a Glass Darkly

Ils donnent l'impression que c'est si facile, se lier à un autre être humain. C'est comme si personne ne leur avait dit que c'est la chose la plus difficile au monde.

Lo hacen parecer tan fácil, conectar con otro ser humano. Es como si nadie les hubiera dicho que es la cosa más difícil del mundo.

déjà vu

OLIVIA: Wow, I'm having deja vu.

PETER: Yeah, I read that déjà vu is fate's way of telling you that you're exactly where you're supposed to be. That's why you feel like you've been there before. You are right in line with you're own destiny.

-- Fringe 2x18 "White Tulip"

OLIVIA: J'ai un sentiment de déjà vu.

PETER: J'ai lu qu'on a des sentiments de déjà vu car nous sommes là où nous sommes sensés être. C'est pour ça que tu ressens comme si t'y avais déjà été. Tu es en accord parfait avec ta destinée.

OLIVIA: Wow, estoy teniendo un déjà vu.

PETER: Si, leí que los déjà vu son la forma que el destino tiene de decirte que estás exactamente donde se supone que tienes que estar. Por eso sientes que has estado ahí antes. Estás completamente alineado con tu propio destino.

Ordeno y mando - Amélie Nothomb

"Me senté pensando que ya era demasiado tarde para huir. Ya no teníamos elección. Aquella última frase me tranquilizó. Siempre que creo que existe una posibilidad de salvación, me pongo nervioso, me angustio. Cuando comprendo que no existe, me vuelvo zen y encantador. Ya que nos dirigíamos hacia una catástrofe, mejor disfrutar de la vida."

“Guess when it comes down to it, we're all just Jeff Sweeney taking a fastball to the plums.” — Phil on his disappointing birthday

-- Modern Family 1x19 Game Changer

You better not cry - Augusten Burroughs

It had been only a couple of hours. But I knew.

I may not have known the facts of him; I couldn't have told you his favorite color, his birthday, or how he liked his coffee. I couldn't have said if he was a Republican or a Democrat or whether he was allergic to cats; but I knew the him of him.

I also knew that one didn't have a second date with this man and then a third, each time getting to know him a little bit better or seeing another "side" of him.

George was vertical, not horizontal. All of him was right there from the first moment. He didn't have "sides"; he had fathoms. If you didn't know him after one date, you couldn't know him. In this way, he was a treasure perfectly hidden right before my eyes. He was the wreck of Sussex in my backyard swimming pool.

I could only be truly crazy if I walked away from such a find.

+++

I struggled in my apartment that night, his phone number in my hand. I knew that if I called him, that would be it -my life would change. I had never felt such an irrational thing about a person I'd only just met. But I knew it was true.

My attraction had been immediate and profound. And it had nothing to do with the way he looked. My attraction was to what resided between his lines.

And attraction is our most ancient drive, it is why we are. Attraction is the very point of gravity; timespace itself bends to allow it. It is attraction in its pure form that holds the galaxy together.

Attraction is our glue.

+++

I knew this: there was only one of him in the world.

One hour with him was denser than all the years spent with everybody else I had ever known.

My instincts were not mistaken.

My instincts had been with me as I crawled from the swamp; my brain only showed up later. It was my instinct I would trust. Even if it defied logic.

Especially if it defied common sense. I wanted nothing to do with common.

But extremely rare and precious specialty items often carry an extraordinary price. I knew this, too.

+++

It was reckless and insane to feel this way about a person I didn't even know. My mind was hurling itself against the walls of my skull in protest. But beneath my sternum that night, I felt a kind of wisdom. I very nearly heard advice: Acceptance, when it comes, arrives in waves: Listen with your chest. You will feel a pendulum swing within you, favoring one direction or another. And that is your answer. The answer is always inside your chest. The right choice weighs more. That's how you know. It causes you to lean in its direction.

I thought, I don't know who he is, but I know he is mine.

+++

There were people who had so much strength that you could borrow some, just by being in the same room with them.

Princesas (2005)

BLANCA: ¿Sabes qué es lo único que me da un poco de pena? Que no me haya conocido antes, cuando estaba entera. Porque yo estaba muy buena, tía. Muy buena. Y, mira, pues eso se lo ha perdido.

CAYE: Bueno... La culpa es suya. Que hubiera llegao antes.
BLANCA: Chachi. El gilipollas... ¡Que hubiera llegao antes! Se lo voy a decir.

El secreto de sus ojos (2009)

Irene: Mi vida entera fue mirar para adelante, atrás no es mi jurisdicción. Me declaro incompetente.

Espósito: Usted no sabe qué es el amor de este tipo. Cómo mueve. Es como si la muerte de la mujer lo hubiese dejado ahí detenido para siempre, eterno. ¿Me entiende? Tenés que ver lo que son los ojos de él, Pablo. Están en estado de amor puro. ¿Usted se imagina lo que puede ser un amor así? Sin el desgaste de lo cotidiano, de lo obligatorio.
Irene: Lo dirá por usted, porque a mí no me pasa.

Espósito: ¿Ves? No quiero dejar pasar todo de nuevo. ¿Cómo puede ser? ¿Cómo puede ser que no haga nada? Hace veinticinco años que me pregunto, y hace veinticinco años que me contesto lo mismo. Dejá, fue otra vida. Ya pasó, ya está, no preguntes. No pienses. No fue otra vida. Fue ésta. Es ésta. Ahora quiero entender todo. ¿Cómo se hace para vivir una vida vacía? ¿Cómo se hace para vivir una vida llena de nada? ¿Cómo se hace?

Morales: ¿A usted que le importa, si es mi vida y no la suya?
Espósito: No, Morales, no. Es mi vida, también. Su amor por esa mujer, nunca más volví a ver, en nadie. En nadie. Nunca.

Espósito: No sé. Le doy vueltas y vueltas, y ya no sé qué pensar.
Morales: Elija bien. Lo único que nos queda son recuerdos. Al menos que sean lindos, ¿no?

Morales: No le de más vueltas. Va a empezar con que si hubiera estado, si no hubiera estado... Va a tener mil pasados y ningún futuro. No piense más, hágame caso. Se va a quedar solo con recuerdos.

Espósito: Tengo que hablar con vos.
Irene: Va a ser complicado.
Espósito: No me importa.
Irene: Cerrá la puerta.

loathing, unadulterated loathing

Paper Heart (2009)

NICK: So you say you don't believe in love now, but have you always felt that way?
CHARLYNE: I believed in it when I was a kid, but again, all my ideas about love kind of came from movies and faiy tales. And as I grew up I realized that life is nothing like that.
NICK: Was that 'cause you had your heart broken?
CHARLYNE: No. I've only ever had one boyfriend. I thought I really liked him. I thought he was all dark and mysterious and he had shadows under his eyes. But then I realized that was only because he was on drugs.

CHARLYNE: Well, I think everyone means something to someone. And we're all a bit skeptical, but I don't want to end up a lonely old spinster. I don't think anyone wants to.

CHARLYNE: The captain yelled through his megaphone, threatening to shoot, but I didn't care. And I told them that too. I told them, "I don't care! Life is too short to be wondering what if! Sometimes you just gotta live and see what happens, even if you get hurt. Sometimes you can only feel something if you take a risk. And I, Charlyne Yi, am taking that risk. Arghh-hh-hh!"

Báilame el agua (2000)

MARÍA: Voy contigo. Estamos juntos, ¿no? Tú me bailas el agua a mí, y yo te la bailo a ti.

MARÍA: Tú no sabes lo que quieres.
DAVID: Tienes razón. No sé lo que quiero. Tengo miedo de sufrir, tengo miedo de...
MARÍA: Tienes miedo de crecer.
[MARÍA se va]
DAVID: Tengo miedo a que te vayas.

DAVID: Hacía tiempo que no me besabas.
MARÍA: Tú siempre esperas gestos. Yo palabras. Vivimos en mundos distintos.

DAVID: ¿Sabes lo que más me gusta de ti? Tu libertad, tu forma de ver la vida, tu manera de vivir los momentos...
MARÍA: ¿Ya está?
DAVID: Tus besos.

DAVID: Mis sentimientos... mis sentimientos han cambiado, pero siguen siendo mi verdad. Y esa verdad eres tú.

MARÍA: El corazón me resbala por las tuberías de este cuarto y ya no hay forma de sacarlo.

DAVID: Tenía tantas ganas como miedo...
MARÍA: Y yo...

DAVID: Bailame el agua. Úntame de amor y otras fragancias de tu jardín secreto. Sácame de quicio. Hazme sufrir. Ponme a secar como un trapo mojado. Lléname de vida. Líbrame de mi estigma. Llámame tonto. Olvida todo lo que haya podido decirte hasta ahora. No me arrastres, no me asustes. Vete lejos, pero no sueltes mi mano. Empecemos de nuevo. Toca mis ojos. Nota la textura del calor. ¿Por cuánto te vendes? Píllate los dedos. Deja que te invite a un café, caliente, claro. Y sin azúcar... sin aliento.

(500) Days of Summer (2009)

Author's Note: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Especially you Jenny Beckman. Bitch.

Tom: People don't realize this, but loneliness is underrated.

Tom: What happens when you fall in love?
Summer: You believe in that?
Tom: It's love, it's not Santa Claus.

Rachel Hansen: Just because she's likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate.

Vance: [reading a card that Tom has written] Roses are red, violets are blue... Fuck you, whore!

co-dependent weaklings

easy peasey

MARSHALL: Being in a couple is hard. And committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. But if it's the right person, then it's easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world, and if it's not like that, then she's not the one. I'm sorry.

TED: I'm single. Maybe that's just who I am. And you know what? I like being single.
BARNEY: Being single's the best.
TED: Yeah, stay out as late as you want.
BARNEY: Answer to no one.
TED: The whole world full of endless possibilities.
BARNEY: Never having to go to a farmer's market.

-- How I Met Your Mother 1x12 The Wedding

After Sex (2007)

LESLIE: Love is not negotiable.
CHRIS: Oh, baby, everything's negotiable.
LESLIE: No, not love. Not love. Love is... a guessing game. And that's the beauty of it. There's no guarantees. It's like... diving into a pool of water without knowing if it's shallow or deep. And sure, yeah, if it's shallow, you end up hurt and paralyzed from the neck down. But if it's deep... you know... It's a leap of faith. It's like throwing yourself out there without any guarantees, dude, and that's what life's about. Okay, you know those carnival games, right? And you know how some of them are really hard to win and some of them are super easy and everyone wins?
CHRIS: Sure.
LESLIE: Well, it's just that that's the difference between love and sex. Sex is the game where everyone wins a little prize, and no one goes home a loser. And... love is the game that's really hard to win. But if you do, and you get to take home that life-sized stuffed rhinoceros, it feels a whole lot better than taking home that shitty little plastic key chain.

NIKKI: You don't have to hide the fact that you're gay. I don't care.
KAT: I'm not.
NIKKI: Look, you can do whatever you want. I just don't want you falling in love with me, that's all. I don't have patience for that type of of bullshit, man or woman.

peace

DAVID: I have only ever lived for peace. I lift my eyes to you. And I know I'll find it.

-- Kings 1x12 The New King (Part 1)