CELINE: And, how can you say that? Because... I mean, I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like... this! You know? People just have an affaire, or even entire relationships. They break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed a brand of cereals.
I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person had their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me, I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved, because it hurts too much. Even getting laid! I actually don't do that. I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I'm obsessed with little things.
Maybe I'm crazy, but when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk, or ants crossing the road, or the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk... Little things. I think it's the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each other, that moved me, and that I miss, and will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.
+++
JESSE: Why didn't we do that?
CELINE: Because we were young and stupid?
JESSE: You think we still are?
CELINE: I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life you only realize it only happens a few times.
+++
CELINE: Well, all these couples expected after a few years of living together for the passion, that consuming desire, to be the same as in the beginning.
JESSE: It's impossible!
CELINE: No, I know, I know that. I mean, God, otherwise we would end up with aneurism if we were in that constant state of excitement, right? We would end up doing nothing at all with our lives. Do you think you would have finished your book, if... if you were fucking somebody every 5 minutes?
JESSE: I might have welcomed the challenge...
+++
CELINE: I was thinking. For me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.
JESSE: Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's never around?
CELINE: Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating!
JESSE: No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...
CELINE:Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster. I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone... it's better than sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and, after you've been screwed over a few times, you... You forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true, I haven't been screwed over, I've just had too many bla relationship. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but they were no real connection, or excitement. At least, not from my side.
JESSE: God, I'm sorry, is it... Is it really that bad? It's not, right?
CELINE: You know? It's not even that, I was... I was fine. Until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit out from you, it reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things and now it's like I don't believe in anything that relates to love, I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way, I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again. Like, somehow this night took things away from me and I expressed them to you and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!
JESSE: I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that.
CELINE: You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me.
+++
CELINE; But it's my fault, I know that it's my fault, because I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd, the idea that we can only be complete with another person is... EVIL! Right?
JESSE: Can I talk?
CELINE; You know, I guess I've been heart broken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, form the starts, I make no effort. Because I know exactly what hap...
JESSE: You can't do that. You can't do that, you can't live your life trying to avoid pain, at the expense of en...
CELINE; Ok, you know what? Lose our words! I've gotta... I've gotta get away from you. Stop the car, I want to get out!
+++
JESSE: You know, that I ca... that I can't keep living like this, that there's gotta be something more to love than commitment. But then I think that I might have given up on the whole idea of romantic love. That I... I might have put it to bed, that day when you weren't there. You know, I think I might have done that.
I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person had their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me, I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved, because it hurts too much. Even getting laid! I actually don't do that. I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I'm obsessed with little things.
Maybe I'm crazy, but when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk, or ants crossing the road, or the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk... Little things. I think it's the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each other, that moved me, and that I miss, and will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.
+++
JESSE: Why didn't we do that?
CELINE: Because we were young and stupid?
JESSE: You think we still are?
CELINE: I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life you only realize it only happens a few times.
+++
CELINE: Well, all these couples expected after a few years of living together for the passion, that consuming desire, to be the same as in the beginning.
JESSE: It's impossible!
CELINE: No, I know, I know that. I mean, God, otherwise we would end up with aneurism if we were in that constant state of excitement, right? We would end up doing nothing at all with our lives. Do you think you would have finished your book, if... if you were fucking somebody every 5 minutes?
JESSE: I might have welcomed the challenge...
+++
CELINE: I was thinking. For me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.
JESSE: Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's never around?
CELINE: Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating!
JESSE: No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...
CELINE:Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster. I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone... it's better than sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and, after you've been screwed over a few times, you... You forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true, I haven't been screwed over, I've just had too many bla relationship. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but they were no real connection, or excitement. At least, not from my side.
JESSE: God, I'm sorry, is it... Is it really that bad? It's not, right?
CELINE: You know? It's not even that, I was... I was fine. Until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit out from you, it reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things and now it's like I don't believe in anything that relates to love, I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way, I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again. Like, somehow this night took things away from me and I expressed them to you and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!
JESSE: I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that.
CELINE: You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me.
+++
CELINE; But it's my fault, I know that it's my fault, because I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd, the idea that we can only be complete with another person is... EVIL! Right?
JESSE: Can I talk?
CELINE; You know, I guess I've been heart broken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, form the starts, I make no effort. Because I know exactly what hap...
JESSE: You can't do that. You can't do that, you can't live your life trying to avoid pain, at the expense of en...
CELINE; Ok, you know what? Lose our words! I've gotta... I've gotta get away from you. Stop the car, I want to get out!
+++
JESSE: You know, that I ca... that I can't keep living like this, that there's gotta be something more to love than commitment. But then I think that I might have given up on the whole idea of romantic love. That I... I might have put it to bed, that day when you weren't there. You know, I think I might have done that.
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