The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
1. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.
2. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.
3. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey - Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal and Fuchsia.
4. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.
5. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B*******.
6. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):
A. Ending Poverty
B. Curing Diseases
C. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable
I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.
7. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?
8. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If the Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did It I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.
2 comments:
Este Post es TAN absurdo ke no me atrevo ni a komentar. O será ke me estoy kedando sin ingenio?? Oh, no!! Dios mío, eso nunka!!!!
Joder, tía, el gusto ke da volver a sentirse libre, no? No 100%, xq nunka lo somos, xo inkluso ser konsciente de esto tiene su miguilla kuando rekuperas tantas kosas ke te das kuenta habías perdido solamente por una persona.
Kon la de ellas ke hay en este mundo, empezando por mí.
Kuídese de lo suyo, pekeña lektora.
PD: Ké me vas a regalar para el kumple?
Únete al Pastafarianismo o lo lamentarás.
O probablemente no lo hagas.
Lliureeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Lo sé. Es curioso esto de la "libertad" porque a veces no te das ni cuenta, verdad? Y de repente puedes hacer lo que te de la gana (sobre todo si no vives con tus papás ni dependes económicamente de ellos... grrr). Más que nada it's all in your head. In your head. Zombie, zombie-eh-eh.
Sing it, sister.
ó_o que es lo mío? soltería incurable? i'm fine with it.
pd: nice try
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